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Cool, Calm & Connected ezine
Be seen, heard and remembered
…every time you speak.
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May / June 2009
A “How To” ezine of practical strategies and inspiration to help professionals communicate with ease and authenticity every time they speak. Published by Geraldine Barkworth every 2 months & emailed to confidential subscriber lists. Average read: 3 minutes.
Back issues: are available here
What’s New
 Communicate Connect Levels 1, 2 & 3, Brunswick Heads, Aug 12–Oct 28, 2009.
Join our weekly small group of 8, to learn authentic voice public speaking in just 12 weeks.
Program Information
Cool, Calm & Connected 5 day retreat, Sunshine Coast QLD, Oct 31-Nov 4, 2009.
Women In Business, it’s time to press the “Pause Button” and let your “Inner Speaker” out to play at this exclusive working holiday. In 5 days you will become a public speaker who communicates with ease, grace and an authenticity that is compellingly attractive. Be prepared to emerge radiant from your chrysalis, not shrinking, but seeking, public speaking opportunities. A whole new world is about to open up for you.
Program Information
“Being Yourself At Parties”
Article 3 of 6 in the 2009 theme of “How To Talk In Difficult Places”.
“With each issue, learn how to stay comfortable within your own skin to make meaningful connections and get your point across, even in the most trying of public places…”
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The Problem
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“How to be yourself at a party”…
Oxymoron anyone?
Many people find it difficult to “just be themselves” at a party. Especially when you first walk through the door and are confronted by a sea of unknown faces or backs. Will you be welcomed and is there a place for you here? Parties can bring up fear of being separate or rejected by the group. Similar fears surface when public speaking.
Basically, when self consciousness looms, people shrink with fear and disappear,
or pump themselves up with a flashy veneer.
At parties, it’s frequently a case of one human shield meeting another human shield – no wonder it’s difficult to connect meaningfully with the room awash with air kisses.
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The Simple Solution
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Trust & Rapport
Recently I attended a women’s’ “drinks & nibbles”. (Yes, the dreaded “After Hours Networking” – see the March/April 2009 issue on how to survive this sort of event.)
The guest speaker was a funeral director and she explained the process of building trust and rapport with someone you’ve never met before. Her process can also be applied to creating heart to heart connections at a party.
Level 1: Surface chitchat about the party.
Head nodding acknowledgement.
Level 2: Basic information exchange.
Name, connection to host.
Level 3: Offering of safe opinions.
Scanning for similarities. Longer eye contact.
Level 4: Exchange of appropriate personal thoughts.
Standing closer, feeling safer.
Level 5: Opening up & sharing honest feelings.
Authentic Connection.
If your party experience traditionally stays between Levels 1 and 3, then you miss the opportunity to “show yourself” and so does the other person. Self consciousness keeps you in its’ grip and it’s purpose is to keep you feeling safe. Whether you need it or not.
And hey hey hey! If you get to Level 5, you can consider yourself someone who just got comfortable with being themselves at a party, or at least, with one new person.
Dropping The Mask
Most of us hide behind a façade at some point. We do this because we don’t feel safe enough to be ourselves. We fear judgement, rejection or loss. Parties and public speaking can trigger a lot of fear! Here’s a quote from a client of mine who sums it up:
“ Thank you for the huge part you played in helping me face my fears of public speaking and to understand that my audience wants to hear what I have to say,
as long as I give them what they want - connection. I can see now that speakers who rely on putting up a mask, rob their audience of the authentic experience of being with them. “ Elise Wynyard, Art Therapist
And so it is at parties. When you wear a mask, you rob people meeting the real you..
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Enough Talk, Let's Get Practical
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I am not recommending you drop your guard and expose yourself to the whole wide world this afternoon.
I am recommending you try this technique next time you feel uncomfortable at a party, or when public speaking:
• Take a slow, deep breath and feel your feet on the floor.
• Take all the time you need to slow down, make soft eye contact.
• If you feel like it, introduce yourself to someone who willingly makes eye contact with you.
• Pause, smile, and allow space for words to arise naturally. And they will.
• If someone appears impatient and moves on because you didn’t enthral them within thirty seconds, let them go; you were never going to feel safe enough to open up and connect with this person anyway.
After The Party, Ask Yourself:
• Is it more satisfying to have connected authentically with one real person, or
• Is it more satisfying to have ten superficial conversations about the cheese?
It is not my intention to deride conversations about cheese. Cheese is a terrific starting point.
The key is to find that starting point, a place of connection with another person. One real person, meets another real person and hey presto, you can be yourself at parties.
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© 2009, Geraldine Barkworth. Reprintable when full credit is given and the whole newsletter is reproduced.
For more information about services including private coaching, corporate training or to make a media enquiry, please contact Geraldine Barkworth directly on +61 (2) 6685 1917 or email geraldine@coolcalmconnect.com.au
To subscribe or unsubscribe, please email office@coolcalmconnect.com.au with your request.
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