Cool, Calm and Connected

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Background Articles

How to Be Cool, Calm & Connected      .....Every Time You Speak

So You Wanna Be A Better Public Speaker? 9 Winceable Public Speaking Blunders

 

How To Be Cool, Calm & Connected

… Every Time You Speak

People frequently associate “public speaking” with delivering a formal speech. But I define it as the ability to have an easy conversation with anyone other than your self. “Cool Calm & Connected” means having the self-awareness, self-confidence and self-assurance to present who you are and what you do with natural grace and radiant authenticity. Who doesn’t want some of that?


You have been invited to speak.
    In public.
        In front of people you don’t know.
                And in front of people you do know.

You can’t decide which is worse. Your heart pounds.
You feel sick, in fact, you are definitely going to be too sick to speak on the day, even though it’s two months away.

You know this for a fact. Because it’s happened to you before.

So, you decide that it’s better for everyone concerned that you email an apology, stay in your office that day and work on new marketing strategies that allow you to avoid speaking in public. You cleverly decide that this is what they mean by, “working smarter, not harder.” Ok, that’s now neatly justified… until the next invitation to speak…

You Are Not Alone

Never fear, you are not alone in your avoidance of presenting your self in public. Self-consciousness is rampant in western society. It’s a feeling of acute separation of your self from everyone else. Most people suffer it by varying degrees at some point in their lives. It shows up at parties, dreaded networking events, giving a presentation, speaking to the Board, reading a eulogy, meeting a client unexpectedly in the street or standing your ground and stating your fees.

And it looks like:

Sweating, pounding heart, blank mind	(“I’m going to die up there”)
Talking too fast to fill in any spaces	(“I’ll control what people will think of me”)
Memorising and sticking rigidly to notes	(“No one can criticise me for not being perfect”)
Polished, inauthentic performance	(Looks good but feels hollow)
Giving way too much information	(I’ll overwhelm them with my knowledge”)
Stiff, inarticulate and formulaic	(“I don’t want people to see who I am”)
Giggling, twitching, umming	(“Gee it used to work at school”)
Thinking: “I have nothing of value to offer”	(“They’ll just confirm I’m boring”)
Rambling incoherence	(“I’ve got no idea where I’m going with this”)
Believing you have to be an expert first	(“One day when I’ve got the time…”)

 

Simple Technique

Whatever the source of your fear, discomfort or beliefs around presenting yourself in public, there is a  “softly, softly” technique that allows you to emerge as the cool, calm and connected professional you truly are. It starts with taking a breath and slowing down.

It’s Not All About You

Whenever you speak to a group, it’s because you want to educate, promote or inspire an idea, product or service. That’s why you are motivated to stand up in the first place. You want something from your audience. First though, you need to build trust, rapport, relevance and accept your role as “leader of the moment.”

When you introduce yourself, it’s not all about you. Thinking that it’s about you, makes you feel self-conscious. If you focus on how you can benefit your audience (by explaining who you are and why they should listen to you), speaking becomes about them, not you.

Your job is to focus on connecting with them, one human being to another. When you “drop the mask” and invite people in, generally, they will do the same. And what you create, is authentic connection, an understanding of who you are on a much deeper level.

I teach my clients how to connect first and allow content, to arise after natural trust and rapport is established. Would you listen to and buy from, a speaker you couldn’t relate to and didn’t trust?

Speaking Comes From Within

Over the years, I’ve kept rediscovering that answers lie within, not outside myself. I found that creating more space in my life allowed me to slow down and listen to my inner wisdom. Developing inner calm (even periodic!) increased clarity, perspective, strength and trust to make the right decisions, based upon my own judgement. Connecting authentically first with myself, then with others, is a remedy for the epidemic of social isolation and the hollowness of forever trying to complete my To Do List. Recognising my purpose allowed me to relax and stop trying to be something I’m not. And speaking from this place of inner strength and clarity invites connection with others.

Communicating from the heart, fully present with other human beings, brings acceptance and understanding and connection seems to happen without effort. There is a sense of “oneness” which is healing for all – speakers and listeners. The ability to connect with others is radiantly attractive to all people. It is the defining characteristic of great leaders and speakers …and human beings.

Imagine A World…

My vision is to assist people to reconnect to their inner voice and be fully present, whenever they communicate. To be seen, to be heard, to be remembered. That makes for extraordinary every day communication. Imagine the impact on clients when service professionals like doctors and accountants consistently see you, hear you, acknowledge you. I imagine it would be hard to dismiss, steal from or do a disservice to, someone with whom you had deeply connected with as a human being. I would like to be a part of creating a world where less is spoken, but more is actually said. Would you care to join me?

So You Wanna Be A Better Public Speaker?
9 Winceable Public Speaking Blunders

(“wince” – “to shrink or flinch, as in pain or from a blow.” – Macquarie Dictionary)


Have you ever been part of an audience or group, and winced at something the speaker did or said? And as a speaker, have you ever been, winced at? Geraldine Barkworth identifies 9 common winceable public speaking blunders and provides their remedies.


1.    No preparation
2.    No preparation
3.    No preparation

4.    Unclear purpose, message or direction
5.    Fail to establish trust and rapport
6.    Talk AT rather than BE WITH the audience

7.    Talk like a non-stop train
8.    Too much information!
9.    No final “This is What To Do Next” message

Firstly, I just want to say, “I know, I know, tacky title…”10 things to do before you die”, “6 best gardening secrets”, “3 ways to make your lips plumper”… BUT apparently, this style of title and way of bunching together information, really appeals to most people. Digestible chunks of problems and solutions. So stop wincing and read first!

 

Remedies

1, 2 & 3: No Preparation

Do you want to be cool, calm and connected when you speak?
Do you want your audience to listen?
Do you want to be invited back?

Three things will ensure that it happens – preparation, preparation, preparation. Doh. If you are a preparation-phobe, you need to ask yourself right now, “Why do you prefer to shoot yourself in the foot rather than get what you want?” I have noticed that people who don’t do any preparation often fool themselves into thinking that if they just ignore the upcoming event, it will go away. Or a miracle will occur and they will find themselves channelling a witty dead comedian. Unfortunately these strategies rarely work.

•    Prepare emotionally by giving yourself time and headspace to become present and calm.
•    Prepare physically by organising items you may need such as notes, props, samples, handouts, cards, the clothing you intend to wear and, know the layout of the room.
•    Prepare mentally by clearly identifying your purpose and intended outcomes for speaking. Research your audience – what problems can I solve for this group of people? What are the common factors this group and I share to establish credibility and relevance?

4. Unclear Purpose, Message Or Direction

If you don’t know where you are going, your audience certainly won’t either. And instead of listening to you, they’ll switch off. At the beginning of your talk, tell them your purpose in speaking. Tell them what you are going to be talking about and what they will be learning. Then tell them how they will benefit and what they will need to do, to benefit. The audience then understands you are inviting them to accompany you on a journey and there is a purpose and a benefit in joining you.

5. Failure To Establish Trust And Rapport

Would you listen to or buy from a presenter you didn’t trust? As a speaker, if you fail to take the time to establish a relationship with your listeners, they will keep their minds, their hearts and their wallets closed. And you will have missed the opportunity to build an ongoing relationship with your clients / audience and hearing what they have to say to you.


6. Talk AT Rather Than BE WITH Your Audience

The way to establish trust and rapport is to BE WITH your audience. This means, slow down, wait and be fully in the moment. When you stick to a memorised routine, you might as well just talk to your bedroom mirror. And the audience feels it and switches off. BEING WITH your audience means being available and listening to your audience first. It means you are having a dynamic, two-way conversation. Everyone wants to feel heard and be seen. So forget you and your agenda, and think about them. What do they need from you, and how can you supply it? Talk about that.


7. Talk Like A Non-Stop Train

Fast speakers can be exciting and energising for about 3.5 minutes. One of the quickest ways to lose an audience (now, where did I put those people?) is to have no space between your words and ideas. People need time to think about what you’ve said and if you don’t give them that time, they will not hear your next brilliant point. Because they will still be thinking about the point before that.


8. TOO Much Information!

Which brings us to information overload. Our whole society is brimming enthusiastically with so much to say about everything. Do your audience a favour and edit out any clutter. Identify the priorities (Ask yourself: “What would I want to know about this subject?”) and clearly articulate those points. No one knows what you’ve missed out and no one cares. People want personal connection from you, not technical content – they can get that from a magazine.


9. No final “This Is What To Do Next” message

When you stand up and speak it is because you want to sell, promote or share a product, service or idea. The first part of your talk explains the problem your audience wants solving and the last part of your talk should be about providing a solution. There’s no point getting people inspired when you don’t lay out a simple plan to help them take the next step. Provide a handout, articles, a web address or ask people to volunteer what they intend to do differently tomorrow.

If your audience doesn’t know what to do next, they generally, will do nothing. In which case you have to ask yourself: “So what was my point in standing up and speaking?” Your job as the speaker is to help your audience understand how to move forward and to provide the tools to take that next step. And preferably, a step in your direction!

 

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